Why You Attract Toxic Partners??
May 01, 2021, by Psychosexology W/ Gayatri
You might have asked this question to yourself so many times - Why I always find toxic partners??? Why I always end up into abusive relationships and not into good and healthy ones???
You Think You Deserve It
You Attract People Who Trigger Your Intese Emotions
Hope Of Breakthrough
You keep on trying hard only because you want to workout that relationship so badly bacause you want to get the feeling of fulfilment that you have finally got some breakthrough in your relationship and getting that love, affection and care that you were trying to get from your parents throughtout your childhood. You don't want to fail your realtionship with your partner as it did with your parents . So, only beacuse of that one hope of breakthrough, you keep on trying so hard.
My answer might shock you but, "You are the only one who is attracting toxic partners and welcoming that kind of toxicity in your life." Yes, you heard me right. And the reason lies in your childhood. Your childhood experiences does effect your love relationships. You subconsciously try to get what you didn't get as child. Let me explain how ----
You Think You Deserve It
If you were raised in a family where you had parents who loved you conditionally and didn't make you feel safe and supported and criticised for everything you did. Then, there is a high chance you will attract toxic relationships when you will grow up. Now, you will ask, "why would I want toxic partners and not the one who will love me unconditionally when I had abusive childhood?? This is because you think that, you deserve it. According to the law of attraction, you attract what you think you deserve. You think you deserve that kind of abusive and toxic treatment. Throughtout in your childhood, you were getting abusive and toxic treatment by your parents and thus you might end up considering that this is how love is expressed and people are treated so you end up believing that you deserve it. Abusive parents have taught you that love is chaotic, dramtic, confusing and painful. So, when you get abuse by your partner, you think it's ok to do so.
You Attract People Who Trigger Your Intese Emotions
Toxic people triggers your intense emotions like fear, lonlieness, insecurity, avoidance, etc,. which make you feel exactly how your abusive parents used to make you feel. And that is another reason which makes you get attracted to toxic partners. People want their relationships to feel like home. So, you attract exact relationships which make you feel, how your parents made you feel in childhood.
Fear Of Abandonment
If you had lonely childhood and your parents were unavailable when you needed them, then you might develop a fear of abandonment. That is the reason, you try supressing your emotions and feelings and hesitate to say anything because of the fear of getting rejected or left by partner. You think that you won't find someone better than them and you think this is the kind of love you deserve and that is the reason you keep on entertaining their bulls**t rather than addressing it. Bacause, you don't want them to abandon you as your parents did. You are scared of feeling lonely.
You Can't Handle Unconditional Love
Having parents who loved you conditionally, teaches you to try hard to get acceptable and to get loved. So, when you grow up and find someone who loves you unconditionally. You think that this is not a love. Cause, your parents have taught you to fight for love. So, when you have no scope to try hard to get love from your partner, you feel that this is not what you want. Cause, you are geeting it without doing anything. It doesn't sound challenging and interesting to you. And you go on finding the toxic one again.
Fear Of Abandonment
If you had lonely childhood and your parents were unavailable when you needed them, then you might develop a fear of abandonment. That is the reason, you try supressing your emotions and feelings and hesitate to say anything because of the fear of getting rejected or left by partner. You think that you won't find someone better than them and you think this is the kind of love you deserve and that is the reason you keep on entertaining their bulls**t rather than addressing it. Bacause, you don't want them to abandon you as your parents did. You are scared of feeling lonely.
You Can't Handle Unconditional Love
Having parents who loved you conditionally, teaches you to try hard to get acceptable and to get loved. So, when you grow up and find someone who loves you unconditionally. You think that this is not a love. Cause, your parents have taught you to fight for love. So, when you have no scope to try hard to get love from your partner, you feel that this is not what you want. Cause, you are geeting it without doing anything. It doesn't sound challenging and interesting to you. And you go on finding the toxic one again.
Hope Of Breakthrough
You keep on trying hard only because you want to workout that relationship so badly bacause you want to get the feeling of fulfilment that you have finally got some breakthrough in your relationship and getting that love, affection and care that you were trying to get from your parents throughtout your childhood. You don't want to fail your realtionship with your partner as it did with your parents . So, only beacuse of that one hope of breakthrough, you keep on trying so hard.
You need to understand that you are the one who attract people in your life so unless and until you think you deserve better, you won't be able to find someone better. You should unlearn the concept of love which your abusive parents taught you. Love is not painful but, it's peaceful. Love doesn't hurt but, makes you feel good. So, someone doesn't need to hurt you to express love. That's not the way of expressing love. But, it's abuse. Unless and until you are willing to leave your past behind, you won't be able to form real, good, loving and healthy relationships.
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