Exploring Voyeurism & Getting Pleasure
July 18, 2021, by Psychosexology W/ Gayatri
You might have heard the news that hidden cameras found in girls' washroom or in women hostel or in hotel room.
And you might call such people creeps. I mean obviously, cause they watch people going private without their consent.
But, have you ever wondered why people engage into such kind of things??? What do they get from all of these????
Voyeurism aka watching people having sex is considered as a creepy thing may be because it's taboo. But, what if I tell you, that it's also another way of getting pleasure and it's absolutely okay to do so. I can imagine your reaction right now, you're like "wtf this girl is talking about??? But, wait. Let me first explain you what that actually mean.
Voyeurism means enjoying sexual pleasure by watching others while they undress or naked or engage in sexual activities. The person who is watching called as a voyeur, sometimes referred as a Peeping Tom.
Key element of voyeurism is that the person being watched doesn’t know they’re being observed. And while the pleasure is most commonly derived from watching others this could also include hearing others engage in sexual acts or even being told about other people’s sexual experiences. But, let me tell you, voyeurism & voyeuristic disorder both are different things. Voyeurism simply means watching your partner get undressed. Different people have different fantasies so this might be one of them and it might never progress beyond a fantasy. For example, someone might masturbate while fantasizing about someone getting undress or partner having sex with someone from afar. And it's absolutely okay to do so. But some people take voyeurism to an extreme level and creep on others without their consent. This is obviously not okay. And this is when voyeurism can take form of disorder.
Criteria For Voyeuristic Disorder
• Person experiences recurrent and intense sexual arousal from observ-ing an unsuspecting person who is naked, in the process of disrobing or engaging in sexual activity as manifested by fantasies, urges, or behaviors for over a period of at least 6 months.
• The individual has acted on these sexual urges with a nonconsenting person or the sexual urges or fantasies cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning.
• The individual experiencing the arousal or acting on the urges is at least 18 years of age.
Keep in mind that voyeuristic disorder isn’t diagnosed in children or teens. We all are curious and fascinated about bodies and sexual activities of others. And it's a natural thing to do. But, when our curiosity or voyeuristic sexual interests start causing distress or psychosocial problems then one could be diagnosed with voyeuristic disorder. On the other hand, if someone declares no distress, demonstrated by lack of anxiety, obsessions, guilt, or shame, about these paraphilic impulses and not impaired in other important areas of functioning because of this sexual interest and their psychiatric or legal histories indicate that he/she doesn't act on it, that means the person is having voyeuristic sexual interest but should not be diagnosed with voyeuristic disorder.
Some people known to have been spying repeatedly on unsuspecting persons who are naked or engaging in sexual activity on separate occasions but who deny any urges or fantasies concerning such sexual behavior and who may report that known episodes of watching unsuspecting naked or sexually active persons were all accidental and nonsexual. Others may disclose past episodes of observing unsuspecting naked or sexually active persons but contest any significant or sustained sexual interest in this behavior. Since these individuals deny having fantasies or impulses about watching others nude or involved in sexual activity, it follows that they would also reject feeling subjectively distressed or socially impaired by such impulses. Despite their nondisclosing stance such individuals may be diagnosed with voyeuristic dis-order. Men and women both have voyeuristic tendencies. Research shows that, voyeurism is more common in men than in women.
Causes
• Conduct disorder in adolescents and antisocial personality disorder would be characterized by additional norm-breaking and antisocial behaviors and the specific sexual interest in secretly watching unsuspect-ing others who are naked or engaging in sexual activity should be lacking.
• Voyeurism has also been linked with obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD).
• One of the historical theories on the causes of voyeurism comes from psychoanalytic theory. Voyeuristic tendencies may be rooted in childhood. Psychoanalytic theory proposes that voyeurism results from a failure to accept castration anxiety and as a result a failure to identify with the father.
• According to Lovemap theory, voyeurism exists because looking at naked others shifts from an ancillary sexual behaviourto a primary sexual act. This results in a displacement of sexual desire making the act of watching someone the primary means of sexual satisfaction.
• An Orgasm can lead to voyeuristic tendencies. An orgasm is defined as “The peak of sexual excitement, characterized by strong feelings of pleasure by a series of involuntary contractions of the muscles of the genitals, usually accompanied by the ejaculation of semen by the male.” The nature of the orgasm teaches, reinforces and conditions some individuals to the point that they acquire a desire to engage in voyeuristic activities.
• Certain risk factors could increase a person’s likelihood to develop the condition.
Factors such as
Sexual preoccupation
Sexual abuse
Substance abuse
Hypersexuality
How voyeurism turns into the voyeuristic disorder?
It's absolutely okay if you masturbate by imagining your partner or someone getting undressed. And you shouldn't feel shame about it. This is what normal voyeurism looks like but, voyeurism becomes problematic when you take steps that violate a person’s right to consent or their expectation of privacy. These interests may also be problematic if you find yourself unable to control them.
If you -
• are unable to control your voyeuristic interests and it's affecting your daily life.
• violating person's privacy to fulfil your desires and performing non consensual acts like watching them through binoculars without their consent when they have sex or get naked or film them with hidden camaras.
• feel frustrated or stressed when you are unable engage in these behaviors
• feel guilty after engaging in these behaviors
• can’t get sexually aroused without watching others
• can’t resist voyeuristic activities, even when they’re affecting your health and well-being and even when you know it's illeagal to do so.
But, let me tell you, voyeurism isn't always unhealthy. You can enjoy healthy voyeurism with some boundaries as long as it doesn't affect other areas of your life. If you have voyeuristic desires, there are ways to fulfill them responsibly without violating anyone’s consent or right to privacy.
Voyeurism can be totally hot af if done consensually. So, what to do if you want to explore voyeurist in you?? And how to do it with consent????
Explore Voyeurist In You -
Best way to start anything new in relationship is to have talk about it. Communication is a key. Let your partner know about your desires, fantasies and your interests in the voyeurism. And ask them if they would like to engage in activities which bring them pleasure. After taking their consent you can try out these things -
• Ask your partner to masturbate in front of you and you see them from a crack of window or door when they are enjoying their thing.
• Watch your partner when they bath or undress.
• If you and your partner are okay to explore voyeurism and ready to take it to the next level then, involve some another person in your bed. And ask your partner to have sex with them in front of you. This can be the best way to explore voyeurist in you.
• If you aren't okay to involve another person, then encourage your partner to use sex toy and see them getting pleasure and you have your pleausre by watching them.
Make sure every sexual act you engage in with your partner has been consensually agreed upon and communicated beforehand.
Good voyeurism = consent and communication about what you will be doing with every sexual partner.
Bad voyeurism = doing something behind your sexual partner’s back.
But, what to do if your partner doesn't agree to do all of those things????
• If you aren't okay to involve another person, then encourage your partner to use sex toy and see them getting pleasure and you have your pleausre by watching them.
Make sure every sexual act you engage in with your partner has been consensually agreed upon and communicated beforehand.
Good voyeurism = consent and communication about what you will be doing with every sexual partner.
Bad voyeurism = doing something behind your sexual partner’s back.
But, what to do if your partner doesn't agree to do all of those things????
Don't worry. You have another ways to explore and enjoy your voyeuristic fantasies.
Check Out Porn
Porn sites are the best way to help you out when it comes to fulfilling your voyeuristic desires. Voyeurism is kinda famous genre of porn. While some films in it might involve violating someone’s privacy, there are several other options which include consenting parties. These scenes allow you to explore your voyeuristic desires by watching others engaging in masturbation or sex. There are plenty of sites that let you explore your inner peeping tom. Voyeur cam sites let you watch everything they do. Just be careful, you might get so much addicted to watch them live that, you can forget to live your life. At the end, remember porn isn't sex and sex isn't porn. It's all just for fun and to have good oragasm.
Try Out Role-Play
Everyone enjoys different turn-ons and turn-offs in the bedroom, so it really depends on what someone likes to engage with. Try out different options like role-play with consent of your partner. Set the scenarios which turns you on. It may also include making a sex tape or something which you can use to enjoy voyeurism. But, sex tape isn't really a safe idea to go for. And you need to be very careful. Make sure both of you are on the same page about boundaries and what to you want.
Read Erotica
If you’re ok using a bit of imagination, consider downloading some erotic novels. There are lot of novels which you can easily find on internet. Even non visual things allow you to get pleasure by imagining erotic things. So, why not to give a try for it???
Listen To Podcasts
Sometimes some sexy sounds can be great turn on for someone. Podcasts are there to help you out with this. Podcasts allow you to listen to someone engaging in sexual activity and you can listen to stories or some sounds as voyeur. Here are some podcasts to get you started.
• Sonic Erotica
• Hump Day Quickies : Swinger Confessions
• Voyazteka...el PODCAST
• Strictly Anonymous
• Behind the Porn Scenes with Lelu Love - Sex, Dating and My Real Life
• The Pussy Parlour Podcast
If the thought of voyeurism turns you on, you’re not alone. It’s a fairly common sexual interest, but it can become problematic if it starts to affect your daily life or makes others feel violated.
But, if you think, you or someone you know might have voyeuristic tendencies which are causing problems then, get a help.
Psychotherapy
Different forms of psychotherapy could help a person with voyeuristic disorder overcome the condition. A therapist can help someone with voyeuristic disorder regain control of their life by:
• developing impulse control by
• finding new outlets for arousal and curiosity
• undoing negative thought patterns
• identifying locations or situations that might increase their chances of falling back into problematic behavior
Medications
Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) like Prozac (fluoxetine), Lexapro (scitalopram), and Cipralex (not available in the U.S.) are typically used for treating this condition. Research shows that SSRIs can be effective in the treatment of voyeuristic disorder by helping to suppress impulsive behaviors.
Alternatively, Zoladex (goserelin), Lupron (leuprolide acetate), and drugs that reduce testosterone could also be used to treat this condition. Reduction in your testosterone levels will also cause a reduction in your sex drive which might help suppress voyeuristic urges.
Voyeurism is a another great way to get sexual pleasure. But, don't forget to take a consent.
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