Why People Get Into FWBR ???
July 12, 2021, by Psychosexology W/ Gayatri
Why people get into FWBR???
Imagine you have good friend whom you turst, like and is hot enough to turn you on so both of you get in bed not as lovers but only for fun sex without carrying any burden of romantic relationship??? Sounds great??? Yeah. This is what you call as friends with benefits (FWB) or friends plus. There’s no romance, no dates and no commitment, just fun sex and benefits.
F**k buddies and FWBs aren't same.
Most people confuse the term FWBs with fuck buddies. Fuck buddies are people who are like friend but they manage relationship just to have sex. They may not be good friends but people who know each other a little bit. On the other hand, when it comes to FWBs, both people are good friends and then they decide to get into physical relationship just to have fun sex. But, they don't romanticize.
FWB isn't for all
FWBs come with tricky dynamic which confuse people. So, before getting into the one, make sure that you are emotionally able to handle physcial engagement with non-committal ways. Being emotionally mature means you are able to evaluate your own wants and needs. Adding sex in your relationship needs responsbility as it can affect your friendship. Before getting sexually involved with a friend, make sure you know what you really want from them. Ask yourself if you can handle the casual sex or not. Not everyone can. Knowing this about yourself will save friendships and you from emotional breakdowns. For some people, it’s easy to separate emotional feelings from physical or sexual relationships and that’s what you’re signing up for as a FWB. So, if you think you can do it, only then go for it.
Draw the boundaries
FWB relationships are tricky. This relationship can blur the line between friends and lovers. That's why it's essential to draw boundaries with your friend with benefits. You need to establish what both of you want and what you should avoid. Make rules before entering into FWB. That way, you're both on the same emotional page.
Don't enter with false expectations
There are many opportunities for misunderstanding in FWB dynamic.
Don't romanticize or don't expect emotional intimacy. If other person treats you only as friend with benefits, but, you secretely wish that one day your relationship will go to next level or he/she will fall in love with you, then that's a problem. So, if you're entering into FWB with such expectations then, just don't fucking do it. If you've agreed on being friends with benefits, remember that that's what the relationship is going to be. Don't think or expect that you're going to be with this person. And it will help you not getting jealous or upset if your friend blows you off or doesn’t prioritize you. Expecting the bare minimum will also help you avoid falling into the trap of catching feelings. If you agree to just sleep together, you should not expect them to wake up one morning and fall in love with you. Sleeping with someone with the hopes that they will fall for you is a sure way to break your own heart.
Say what you want in bed
After all, what’s the point of the benefits if they don’t do it for you! So, ask what you want in bed and what your sexual fantasies, desires or sexaul needs are so that the FWB is fulfilling. Don't judge each other and try new things with no strings attached.
Don't be lovey dovey
Don't act as a couple. Remember, you're not lovers.
Choose your partner wisely.
Don't become FWB with someone you've already have feelings for.
A good FWB relationship will end when the relationship is no longer serving one/both of you, or when one of you starts dating another person more seriously. Instead of going for someone that you are romantically interested in, choose someone that you are not romantically attracted to so that things can indeed be casual. The ideal FWB is someone that you are physically attracted to, but not emotionally attracted to. It is very important to choose someone that is honest and you can trust as this will help you to explore best inside the bedroom.
Communicate what you feel
Developing romantic feelings for someone you're friends with and sleeping, is natural. Attraction and romantic feelings aren't necessarily something that you can control. But, you can monitor what you do when you realize that you have those feelings for this person. Cause, when only one person falls in love with the other, difficulty arises. In such a case, you might cross the boundaries of friendship with benefits and begin to behave like a lover. The lack of reciprocity can then be painful and destructive.
And if you've developed feelings for partner, communicate rather than expecting things to happen so if other person also feels the same, you both can take your relationship to next level and if another person just see you as friend with benefits, you can stop engaging emotionally and continue or break the realtionship and move on.
Keep dating
FWB doesn't aim at engaing into romantic relationship so if you and your partner knows that, both of you are not going to end up into any serious relationship, you should continue to date on the side. The great thing about a FWB relationship is the fact that things are so casual and you don't have to rush and can take things as the way you want. You can sleep with your FWB when you are in the mood and take things slow in your dating life. If you're not sexually satisfied in your dating life, you can fulfill that thing in FWB. This will reduce your frustration and you can focus on emotional side of your dating life. Dating can also help prevent you from catching feelings for a FWB because you have other options for flirting and emotional connections. Along with this, you need to understand & accept that your friend is also dating on other side. So, accept that you may not be their first priority. So, take the backseat in their life. And keep your heart open for new relationships.
This is what FWB actually mean. But, have you ever wondered why people get into least committed relationships without any romance or emotions???
Why people get into FWB???
• Research shows five different motivators why people engage into FWB relationships - Just sex (purely sexual motivation) Emotional connection (the desire for increased closeness or intimacy) Relationship simplicity (wanting an easy, natural & stress-free relationship). Relationship avoidance (purposeful avoidance of the exclusive or romantic elements of a relationship) Wanted an FWBR (couples who “...became single and took advantage of the opportunity)
• Self-determination theory -
Stein et. al. claim that SDT delves into the human need to continuously search for new challenges. FWB relationships attract so many people because of the allure of the easy going non-committal relationship. The root of SDT is the need to have goals that are either approach focused, or avoidance focused. Approach focused goals are centered on what an individual can gain from a relationship, in a FWB situation this can be sex.
Avoidance focused goals look at failures that can be avoided. In the case of FWB relationships, an individual can avoid a romantic relationship ending with a negative outcome.
• People are worried they will be seen as clingy or unstable if they open up a substantive conversation about their FWBR.
People have fear to get wrong label or fear of getting judged after the failure of relationship. So, they try to keep it casual. They want to protect themsleves by doing so that if FWB really go wrong then at least no one could say anything more than ‘oh they’re just not hooking up anymore'.
• What other studies suggest -
Studies suggest that FWBRs are common and may even be rising in popularity among young people. Research also suggests that these relationships carry high levels of uncertainty and tend to be less emotionally and sexually satisfying than traditional romantic relationships.
Research on deceptive affection shows that people often hide their honest feelings because of concern that they will not be mutual or well received. Deceptive affection ends up being used as a tool to protect personal feelings so that no one gets hurt. Ultimately, these relationships continue to be complex despite the attempt to be void of emotions, the lines become blurred and feelings are sometimes developed by one partner that are not always well received by the other.
People don’t want to show their emotional side.
Why people get into FWB???
• Research shows five different motivators why people engage into FWB relationships - Just sex (purely sexual motivation) Emotional connection (the desire for increased closeness or intimacy) Relationship simplicity (wanting an easy, natural & stress-free relationship). Relationship avoidance (purposeful avoidance of the exclusive or romantic elements of a relationship) Wanted an FWBR (couples who “...became single and took advantage of the opportunity)
• Self-determination theory -
Stein et. al. claim that SDT delves into the human need to continuously search for new challenges. FWB relationships attract so many people because of the allure of the easy going non-committal relationship. The root of SDT is the need to have goals that are either approach focused, or avoidance focused. Approach focused goals are centered on what an individual can gain from a relationship, in a FWB situation this can be sex.
Avoidance focused goals look at failures that can be avoided. In the case of FWB relationships, an individual can avoid a romantic relationship ending with a negative outcome.
• People are worried they will be seen as clingy or unstable if they open up a substantive conversation about their FWBR.
People have fear to get wrong label or fear of getting judged after the failure of relationship. So, they try to keep it casual. They want to protect themsleves by doing so that if FWB really go wrong then at least no one could say anything more than ‘oh they’re just not hooking up anymore'.
• What other studies suggest -
Studies suggest that FWBRs are common and may even be rising in popularity among young people. Research also suggests that these relationships carry high levels of uncertainty and tend to be less emotionally and sexually satisfying than traditional romantic relationships.
Research on deceptive affection shows that people often hide their honest feelings because of concern that they will not be mutual or well received. Deceptive affection ends up being used as a tool to protect personal feelings so that no one gets hurt. Ultimately, these relationships continue to be complex despite the attempt to be void of emotions, the lines become blurred and feelings are sometimes developed by one partner that are not always well received by the other.
People don’t want to show their emotional side.
Many subjects reported experiencing jealousy “when their FWB partner was talking, flirting or interacting with other partners.” At the same time, they weren’t sure they had a right to bring up this jealousy as FWBR are casual. And for them to communicate jealousy would be to show weakness, in other words. So, people just shut down emotions or end such relationships with broken heart.
Still many researches are
going on to know what makes people get into such relations and do they really have happy ending or not.
Don’t forget why you started
Remember that you should keep your expectations for FWB relationship realistic and low and leave space for other people in your life to provide emotional support & more consistent friendship. You need to be sure that you're on the same page as it's best for friends with benefits to work. That way, no feelings are hurt and FWB relationship doesn't become uncomfortable in the future.
At the end of the day, friends with benefits relationships are about sex. Make sure that you and your friend are having fun sex together! FWB relationships are a great way to explore all of your sexual pleasures. So, why not to give a try?????
Remember that you should keep your expectations for FWB relationship realistic and low and leave space for other people in your life to provide emotional support & more consistent friendship. You need to be sure that you're on the same page as it's best for friends with benefits to work. That way, no feelings are hurt and FWB relationship doesn't become uncomfortable in the future.
At the end of the day, friends with benefits relationships are about sex. Make sure that you and your friend are having fun sex together! FWB relationships are a great way to explore all of your sexual pleasures. So, why not to give a try?????
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