Learn The Art Of Not Giving A Fuck
April 14, 2022, by Psychosexology W/ Gayatri
Learn The Art Of Not Giving A Fuck
We all feel bad when someone doesn't treat us in right way even when we know the fact that every person is different and every person has different language of communication. Every person we meet can't be kind to us. But, still we get hurt and take things personally and feel bad when people fail to fulfil our expectations or don't treat us the way we want to get treated. So, why does this happen? Why we take things personally? Why don't we let go things?
Taking unnecessary things personally can be emotionally exhausting. It's okay to be reflective but constantly taking things personally is a different thing. By taking things personally, you not only reevaluate your self esteem every time you get hurt but also waste lot of energy worrying about it. By learning how to not take things personally gives you more control over your emotions and reactions and can save your from useless drama.
Here are few ways to stop taking things personally :
Realise
Realise that other people's rudeness is not about you. When someone is rude it's likely to be a reflection of their own issues. In The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book) by Don Miguel Ruiz, the second agreement is “Don’t take anything personally.” Here’s a quote from the book:
“Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds. Taking things personally makes you easy prey for these predators, the black magicians. They can hook you easily with one little opinion and feed you whatever poison they want, and because you take it personally, you eat it up….”
Here are a few more insights from Don Ruiz:
• “Don’t take anything personally because by taking things personally you set yourself up to suffer for nothing.”
• “Even if others lie to you, it is okay. They are lying to you because they are afraid.“
• “There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally.”
• “The whole world can gossip about you, and if you don’t take it personally you are immune.”
• “When you don’t take the emotional poison, it becomes even worse in the sender, but not in you.”
Ask yourself
Ask yourself what else the comment or behviour might mean. There is always a reason behind the way people behave. Different people use different kinds of the defence mechanisms. For example, if someone doesn't smile back or say hello or avoid meeting you is because they are shy or they are trying to avoid certain situation which are hurtful for them.
Have positive outlook
Take comments or criticism in a constructive way. Find the ways to use that criticism in a postive way to learn and make a growth.
Use different perspective
A person is not affected emotionally by what happens around them, but by their interpretation of what happened. In turn, our interpretations are formed by our beliefs. So, if you want to stop taking things personally, question your beliefs and stay unbaised and learn to look from another person's perspective. Try to analyze and understand and then come to the conclusion rather than giving quick response without thinking.
Respond. Don't react.
When you react to something someone says or does, you may have problem with boundaries. If someone is able to cause havoc by doing or saying something, she/he is in control of you at that point and your boundaries are lost. When you respond, you remain in control with options and choices. If you feel yourself reacting, step away and regain control of yourself so another person can't force you to do or to say something you don't want to say. When you have kept your boundaries, choose the best option. The difference between responding and reacting is choice. When you are reacting, they are in control. When you are responding, you are in control.
Don't fall pray for people's expectations
You’ve been conditioned and brainwashed into thinking that you have to belong and be accepted by others. This is one of the main reason why you are worried or anxious or take things personally when people don't like you or hurt you. Understand that you are not born to fulfil someone else's expectations. There are billions of people in the world and you can't please everyone. "Accept no one's defination of your life, but define yourself." - Harvey Fierstein.
Realise your self worth & be confident
If you have low confidence you’re likely to bristle at any negative comment people throw at you because there’s a part of you that’s afraid that what they’re saying is true. But, when you are confident, you know whatever people are saying to you isn't true. And you just simply neglect it and focus on your work. Realise that your self worth depends on you. It does not depend on what other thinks of you or says about you or evaluate you.
If you want to live a happy life with peace of mind, it's very important for you to learn how not to take things personally. That's the only way you'll learn the art of not giving a fuck.
Taking unnecessary things personally can be emotionally exhausting. It's okay to be reflective but constantly taking things personally is a different thing. By taking things personally, you not only reevaluate your self esteem every time you get hurt but also waste lot of energy worrying about it. By learning how to not take things personally gives you more control over your emotions and reactions and can save your from useless drama.
Here are few ways to stop taking things personally :
Realise
Realise that other people's rudeness is not about you. When someone is rude it's likely to be a reflection of their own issues. In The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book) by Don Miguel Ruiz, the second agreement is “Don’t take anything personally.” Here’s a quote from the book:
“Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds. Taking things personally makes you easy prey for these predators, the black magicians. They can hook you easily with one little opinion and feed you whatever poison they want, and because you take it personally, you eat it up….”
Here are a few more insights from Don Ruiz:
• “Don’t take anything personally because by taking things personally you set yourself up to suffer for nothing.”
• “Even if others lie to you, it is okay. They are lying to you because they are afraid.“
• “There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally.”
• “The whole world can gossip about you, and if you don’t take it personally you are immune.”
• “When you don’t take the emotional poison, it becomes even worse in the sender, but not in you.”
Ask yourself
Ask yourself what else the comment or behviour might mean. There is always a reason behind the way people behave. Different people use different kinds of the defence mechanisms. For example, if someone doesn't smile back or say hello or avoid meeting you is because they are shy or they are trying to avoid certain situation which are hurtful for them.
Have positive outlook
Take comments or criticism in a constructive way. Find the ways to use that criticism in a postive way to learn and make a growth.
Use different perspective
A person is not affected emotionally by what happens around them, but by their interpretation of what happened. In turn, our interpretations are formed by our beliefs. So, if you want to stop taking things personally, question your beliefs and stay unbaised and learn to look from another person's perspective. Try to analyze and understand and then come to the conclusion rather than giving quick response without thinking.
Respond. Don't react.
When you react to something someone says or does, you may have problem with boundaries. If someone is able to cause havoc by doing or saying something, she/he is in control of you at that point and your boundaries are lost. When you respond, you remain in control with options and choices. If you feel yourself reacting, step away and regain control of yourself so another person can't force you to do or to say something you don't want to say. When you have kept your boundaries, choose the best option. The difference between responding and reacting is choice. When you are reacting, they are in control. When you are responding, you are in control.
Don't fall pray for people's expectations
You’ve been conditioned and brainwashed into thinking that you have to belong and be accepted by others. This is one of the main reason why you are worried or anxious or take things personally when people don't like you or hurt you. Understand that you are not born to fulfil someone else's expectations. There are billions of people in the world and you can't please everyone. "Accept no one's defination of your life, but define yourself." - Harvey Fierstein.
Realise your self worth & be confident
If you have low confidence you’re likely to bristle at any negative comment people throw at you because there’s a part of you that’s afraid that what they’re saying is true. But, when you are confident, you know whatever people are saying to you isn't true. And you just simply neglect it and focus on your work. Realise that your self worth depends on you. It does not depend on what other thinks of you or says about you or evaluate you.
If you want to live a happy life with peace of mind, it's very important for you to learn how not to take things personally. That's the only way you'll learn the art of not giving a fuck.
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