How Extra Marital Affairs Can Be Good???
June 11, 2021, by Psychosexology W/ Gayatri
Whenever we talk about extra marital affair, most of the people think of it as a form of cheating and look at it as a degrading or bad kind relationship. And becuase of this negative attitude toward such kind of relationship, people fail to see its benefits and deprive themselves from the pleasure it can bring in their life. And that's the reason when people engage into this kind of relationship they keep it as a secret and society feels that there are very few people engaging into it. But, reality is very different from it.
According to the 2020 survey by Gleeden, it found that nearly 55% of the married people in India were engaging into extra marital affair and 56% of them were women. As per reports, 76% of the women looking for love outside of marriage were educated while 72% of them were financially independent. So, you accept it or not extra marital affairs are very common nowadays.
Why we perceive sex outside marriage or relationship as something bad or kind of cheating?? This is because we believe that when we are in relationship, we own our partner, their body, their thoughts, their opinions and desires. Unfortunately, movies, cultural attitudes, society, indirectly teach us that you should be jealous if your partner is getting intimate with someone else and you should consider it as a form of cheating. All these things, make people view relationship as ownership.That's the main reason, many people struggle with being non-monogamous and find sex outside marriage a terrible thing. But, relationship is not an ownership, it is a companionship. Your partner doesn't owe you anything. Not their body, their thoughts, nothing. Your partner is different individual with all basic human rights of fulfilling their needs and desires. And unless and until you accept this, you can't open yourself for experiencing sex outside marriage or relationship.
When your partner think of having sex outside marriage or relationship, it doesn't necessarily mean that you aren't good enough. We think sexual dissatisfaction is the only thing which drives people to have sex outside marriage. But, sometimes this has nothing to do with their current relationship. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University, found that 56% of men and 34% of women who had sex outside marriage, claimed they were happy in their marriage.
So, why people get into sex outside marriage or relationship???
So, why people get into sex outside marriage or relationship???
Men and women have different sexual and emotional needs. When it comes to men, no matter how much they are in their relationship, they still can get sexual with an attractive women. This is because, men are visual creatures and they need some visuals to get turn on. That's why men ask for nudes or watch porn or read playboy. On the other hand, most of the women need emotional security to get attracted or to get laid with man. It found that main motive for male infidelity is sex. One study found that 75-80% of men who had extra marital affairs described sex as their primary motivation. On the other hand, female infidelity is motivated by more emotional reasons. In contrast to men, only 20% of women said that sex was their sole purpose for cheating. Instead, reasons such as a lack of emotional intimacy or a need for validation were the driving force.
When woman feels she is not getting enough attention from partner then she start loosing her interest in her current relationship and search for new partner. It was found that 77% Indian women cheat due to boredom. “Men are more likely to give sexual motivations for infidelity and less likely to fall in love with an extramarital partner. Women are more interested in jumping ship or supplementing their marriage than men are. For men, it is a secondary strategy as opposed to an alternate.” – Helen Fisher Rutgers University.
Some people might say, these are just stupid and illogical reasons to justify how sex outside relationship is valid and all these people want is to have more and more sex. And if this is the thing then, why don’t they just jerk off or have sex with their partners?
But, let me tell you, it's not that easy. Everyone has different sexual needs and they need different sexual experiences to fulfil their needs. Sometimes your partner can't fulfil your desires because your sexual interests might be differ from them and as a human it's their basic human right to fulfil their desires and needs so they can end up getting laid with someone else. But, it doesn't mean that your partner doesn't love you. Sometimes it's just all about their own pleasure and need of exploring and enjoying and experiementing sexual fantasies. Men and women have different fetishes and desires and these fetishes and desires last a lifetime.
They can’t get rid of them and if they go unfulfilled, it can cause massive amounts of frustration and internal struggle. This is the reason some people give a try for sex outside marriage while others don't do it because of shame, guilt or fear of social rejection or feel that this might affect their current relationship.
So, what can you do if you want to give a try for it???
Firstly, you need to understand that it's absolutely okay to have sex outside marriage or relationship and if you really wanna do it, but have fear that it might affect your current relationship, then firstly try to communicate with your partner. Tell them why you want to do it. Set some boundries. If you and your partner are both okay with it, you can definitely enjoy great sex outside marriage.
Every relationship has a honeymoon period. This period is all about feeling alive, feeling loved and wanted. And after this period ends, it starts to get boring. The same holds true for extra marital affairs. And there are times when these affairs make you see good in your married partner. Most married people entering an affair compare their spouses to the person, sometimes leading to a situation where they are reminded of traits that they once adored in their married partners. In such cases, affairs can help you to understand your married partner in better way. Extra marital affairs might help you to give the pleasure you were searching for but, they might end up after sometime leaving you wanting more. But, they might help you to grow and to know what you really want from your married life.
You like it or not, affairs are here to stay. They are happening at your workplace, in your neighbourhood and maybe somewhere in your family too. Life is all about experiements and lessons of growth and discovery. That's the only way you can know yourself and grow yourself and get the more pleasure out of your life.
Some people might say, these are just stupid and illogical reasons to justify how sex outside relationship is valid and all these people want is to have more and more sex. And if this is the thing then, why don’t they just jerk off or have sex with their partners?
But, let me tell you, it's not that easy. Everyone has different sexual needs and they need different sexual experiences to fulfil their needs. Sometimes your partner can't fulfil your desires because your sexual interests might be differ from them and as a human it's their basic human right to fulfil their desires and needs so they can end up getting laid with someone else. But, it doesn't mean that your partner doesn't love you. Sometimes it's just all about their own pleasure and need of exploring and enjoying and experiementing sexual fantasies. Men and women have different fetishes and desires and these fetishes and desires last a lifetime.
They can’t get rid of them and if they go unfulfilled, it can cause massive amounts of frustration and internal struggle. This is the reason some people give a try for sex outside marriage while others don't do it because of shame, guilt or fear of social rejection or feel that this might affect their current relationship.
So, what can you do if you want to give a try for it???
Firstly, you need to understand that it's absolutely okay to have sex outside marriage or relationship and if you really wanna do it, but have fear that it might affect your current relationship, then firstly try to communicate with your partner. Tell them why you want to do it. Set some boundries. If you and your partner are both okay with it, you can definitely enjoy great sex outside marriage.
Every relationship has a honeymoon period. This period is all about feeling alive, feeling loved and wanted. And after this period ends, it starts to get boring. The same holds true for extra marital affairs. And there are times when these affairs make you see good in your married partner. Most married people entering an affair compare their spouses to the person, sometimes leading to a situation where they are reminded of traits that they once adored in their married partners. In such cases, affairs can help you to understand your married partner in better way. Extra marital affairs might help you to give the pleasure you were searching for but, they might end up after sometime leaving you wanting more. But, they might help you to grow and to know what you really want from your married life.
You like it or not, affairs are here to stay. They are happening at your workplace, in your neighbourhood and maybe somewhere in your family too. Life is all about experiements and lessons of growth and discovery. That's the only way you can know yourself and grow yourself and get the more pleasure out of your life.
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