Psycholgoy Of Sexual Nostalgia
June 06, 2021, by Psychosexology W/ Gayatri
While sleeping in the arms of your lover or while making love, your mind zone out and you start thinking of your ex lover. You even end up feeling guilty about it as if you are cheating on your current lover. But, is it really bad to do so???? And why you keep on missing your past love even when you're with your new love???? What this nostalgia actually means??
We enter into romantic relationships in order to meet our psychological needs for emotional and sexual intimacy. And when these needs are met, we feel emotionally and sexually satisfied But, there are some moments of our past which keep haunting us no matter how happy we are with our current relationship. This is called as sexual nostalgia. And this sexual nostalgia could be getting in the way of your current pleasure needs.
Sexual nostalgia, like other forms of nostalgia, is a psychological coping mechanism we engage in when we’re currently dissatisfied with our situation. Sexual nostalgia is a type of sexual fantasy in which we reminisce about erotic acts with a former lover. And when your partner fail to meet your sexual and relationship needs, you start experiencing sexual nostalgia. With this, you try to console your soul with happy & romantic memories of your ex lover. You use those memories to boost your mood. When you feel unfulfilled, you aim to maintain your sexual esteem or confidence by reflecting on positive past experiences. Sexual nostalgia is not always bad. Occasional sexual nostalgia boosts your self-esteem—“I was happy before, so I’m sure I can be happy again in the future.” In sexual nostalgia you might fantasies about your ex lover or some strangers. But, sexual nostalgia seems to play a different psychological role from other types of sexual fantasy. Reminiscing about how your ex partner went down on and how it made you feel can give you pleasure and can help you to suggest your current partner what you really want in bed to get high. But, chronic sexual nostalgia suggests serious problems in the relationship. That’s because sometimes, sexual nostalgia can get in the way of prioritizing certain physical and emotional needs. If you constantly feel nostalgic for past partners, this could detract from your current relationship.
But how can you know whether sexual nostalgia is getting in the way of your current relationship???
According to Dr. Steinberg, if you’re fantasizing about your ex more than your current partner or you feel guilty after you snap out of it, you may have reason to believe sexual nostalgia is getting in the way of your partnership. If you find yourself daydreaming about your past more than enjoying or even considering your present romantic situation, and if it's affecting your ability to feel the pleasure, then you can say that sexual nostalgia is really affecting your relationship.
So, what to do???
Always remember, communication is the best way to save any relation. Try to communicate with your partner about how to imrove the ways to get more pleasure. Tell them what you loved in the last relationship and how you want it in your current relationship. Not everyone can read mind, so unless and until you don't express anything, your partner won't be able to undersatnd what you really want and where they are going wrong. So, communicate. Also, you need to understand that, if your past relationship had been so great for both of you, you probably wouldn’t have broken up in the first place. So, try to accept the fact that you were not really happy in last relationship, so you left it. So, it's better not to regret about it or you won't be able to enjoy your current relationship. Unless and until you free your mind from past experiences, past relationships and don't let go of bad memories and frustration and regret, your body won't be able to feel the pleasure. As I always say, mind and body share a great relation. Although remembering what fun you used to do or what you enjoyed in past relationships can definitely help you to understand what you want from current relationship.
Remember, it's possible to use your sexual nostalgia for the benefit of your current & future sexual experiences. And this way, you may end up having something entirely new to fantasize about and can take up your sex life to new erotic heights.
0 Comments